Flashback

Where has the time gone?
I was looking through my twitter profile this evening and was consequently reminded that I have a blog. 0_0.

Shocking. It’s been almost a year since my last post and well, I can’t tell you about everything that has gone by. But I can try.

1. “Sold Out” was a success.
2. Started the youth internship, and though Jason and I had a couple of rocky moments in our methods and thinking processes, overall was a success and ended with the beginning of my Senior year.
3. Went to Salida, Colorado for Wilderness Trek, and learned more about myself than ever before.
4. Took a return trip to Ocoee, Tennessee
5. Was just very distracted by Mythbusters
6. My procrastination remains, thus reitifying (Is that actually a word?) that it is a disease.
7. Returned to school.
8. Taught a successful class at Discover, with a young girl asking to be baptized after my class. ( I DO NOT take credit for that, only Christ)
9. Had a fall-out with a friend. Got closer to a friend. Had another fall-out and well, I’ll leave it at that.
10. Took midterms and failed my math, first time ever that’s happened.
11. AP English is teaching me alot, but destroying my life at the same time.
12. Made an epic video for AP English class, a history channel spoof about Anglo Saxons. Became talk of the school for a short while.
13. Achieved a 26 on the ACT, gave up on the 27 and the 30, decided to switch my focus from Youth Ministry, to majoring in Business at LSU. And I have now decided to major in Nursing at ULM to eventually become a Nurse Anesthetist.

But the one thing that I wish I could tell you is how much stronger my relationship with Christ is, how much closer I am with my friends and family, and how much fun life has been. Unfortunately none of that would true. Im feeling farther than Christ than ever before, my friends have become semi-distant but probably by my own doings, and this past year (though one of my best) has been TOUGH!

But it’s a new year, and hopefully this blog will be awakened with new posts and lots more viewers.

Today was Yesterday’s Tomorrow

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat to attempt to write what has been going through my life lately, but I’m becoming distracted and focused on other things, and I regret that I’ve been absent from blogging.

I was recently in a Shakespeare competition, competing to win a trip to New York in honor of Shakespeare’s birthday awarded by the English Speaking Union. I made it to regional at the Strauss Theatre in Monroe, Louisiana but unfortunately my performance wasn’t quite what the judges were looking for. But I walked away with a picture on the front page of the locals, and a few great laughs came with it. (I hope you haven’t seen it). It was all in good fun, and I can’t wait to participate in next years event.

I also have been accepted as a Youth Minister Intern at Forsythe Avenue Church of Christ. If any of you know John Dobbs, or Jason Barnard they are the ministers at this church and I am excited to get started in May working underneath Jason. This has been something I have thought on for awhile and I have a strong interest of going into youth ministry, so hopefully this helps me decide on whether or not to pursue a position of ministry as my career.

The big thing on my list right now though, is “Sold Out.” This is an Outdoor Worship Concert at OCS featuring 4 local bands that the OCS FCA has taken on as a fundraiser/spirit-booster. It has taken alot of planning so far, but im no where near on schedule on planning or funds. The concert is on April 25 by the way. Big thanks go to Jarod Stokes for finishing the poster design.

I also reached my short goal on the A.C.T. which was a 25 overall. But I surpassed my expectations by scoring a 31 on the reading part of the test. (For those of you like my dad who do not know what the highest score is, it is a 36). My dream goal is a 30 overall, but I will be happy graduating with a 27 overall.

There is more than meets the eye though and Im wrestling with myself over a few things that God keeps challenging me with. I hope he doesn’t stop, and I can complete the challenge and make the necessary changes for Him. I have alot on my plate coming up, and the worst part is that it all needs to start now. But I can never seem to bring myself to start it. If you haven’t checked my Facebook, alot of my status updates have been about Procrastination. A disease of mine. It seems that the internet and tv and school continue to take my mind off of Christ and Im finding it harder and harder to be “Sold Out” for Him, which is a problem. I need to find a week to set aside, after the concert, and give it to Christ.

The worst part about being a procrastinator is that you always tell yourself that Tomorrow is the day…but I keep finding that “Today was Yesterday’s Tomorrow” and that I’m always a day behind.

Midnight Voices in my head.

So what happens when you get home from work at 10:30pm, check your email, finish homework, get ready for bed, and jump between your sheets to get some shuteye?
You stay awake until around 12am.
But it was for a good cause.
You see, Ive always expressed that I have a constant struggle to try to bend around things without having to do it, like daily prayer and daily bible reading. Well, Ive finally bent enough to realize that I would have to break myself before anything was to happen to futhur my relationship with Christ.
Last night, I felt his tugging at my brain. I had just recently watched a post from Casting Crowns lead singer Mark Hall and his challenge was to try to take a youth retreat without ever leaving your house. Check out this link. Then check out his latest video.
http://castingcrowns.typepad.com/
God just let loose, and when I mean let loose, he sent my head swirling around the thought of this. How i need to give a week to him, and how to use it with others. He put ideas and notions into my head that I kept focusing on and planning out in my head, much like he did the night he helped me invent the concert “Sold Out”. There are alot of things he placed on my heart last night, and I thank Him for it.
So, my question for you tonight is: Have you listened to what God Has planned for you? If not, What kind of brick wall have you built between Him and you, and what will it take for you to destroy it??

My Life at the Moment

Here I am…just incase you were missing me. Im right here. There was no need to worry.
The past few weeks, that turned into about a month or so, has been crammed with everything from school work and church to family and a load of XBOX360/PS3.
I haven’t forgotten about this, just as I made a promise to myself during Ocoee, I’ve tried to wein(spelling) myself away from computers. Since I spend alot of waking moments on it, it takes hold of me and eventually becomes an idol among other things.
Hitting on that for a second. Is everything an idol if you spend no time with God? I wrestle with that so much. I can talk about and think on it, and I know how absolutely important it is to have a Christian faith, but for some reason reading my bible, and just daily prayer is like making a mountain move. There are moments when I sit in bed, stare at the cieling and think about God, realizing that he is calling out to me, and yet I turn over, close my eyes, and drift off to a world of my own; using sleep as an excuse to not be near God, using homework as a reason not to read his word; giving all of my free time to the computer when I could have taken 5 single minutes to read some verses. Once again, I made a promise to myself to let loose of my idols, and If I have to tape the bible to my face I will do it.
On a much lighter note. This was quite possibly the best Christmas I ever had. I spent time with both sides, and enjoyed all of it. No fighting. No bickering. No selfishness. And this isn’t just from me, its from my whole family; it seems that during these economic hardships all of my family’s are growing closer…too bad it had to take a hardship to begin the change.
So, as I try to finish up this post, hopefully I can focus on God for awhile. Hopefully you make a choice to focus on Him.

A few random questions…

So here are my top 20 most random questions I could think of while procrastinationg on my English homework.

1. Is the hokey-pokey really what its all about?

2. Does the north pole have a north pole?

3. Why am I procrastinating?

4. How many mustard seeds does it take to make a bottle of Heinz Mustard?

5. If you could be a number, what number would you be?

6. Will I ever find something better to write about?

7. If I was a tea-pot short and stout, would I be a fancy teapot?

8. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie-pop?

9. How many more questions can I think of?

10. If I was an Oscar Meyer weiner would everyone be in love with me?

11. I wonder if there is a redneck rating scale?

12. Have you laughed yet?

13. Who was the first person to drink milk from a cow?

14. How much longer will this thing last?

15. Where can I find a tuffet, so I can be like Litle Miss Muffet?

16. What was the old lady’s shoe size?

17. If history repeats itself will the Earth be created again?

18. How many questions has it taken to entertain you?

19. Where’s Waldo?

20. What would life be like if we walked on our hands instead of our feet?

How do I?

How do I die to myself to put you up front,
To change my seat and let You take control?
How do I move myself to get down on my knees,
To take my thoughts and place them on You?
How do I silence myself and begin listening,
To let my voice stop ringing and let You speak to me?
How do I live day-day always thinking of You,
To let my worries subside and give them to You?
How do I get near You?
How do I see You?
How do I change for You?
How do I hear You?
How do I die for You?
How did I ever live without You?

Frustrated with Holding Back

Sorry.

Sorry is all i can say to the ones who have enjoyed my blog. Its been awhile, and now im dusting off my blog and popping my knuckles so I can get back to writing. Right now, its time for a vent.

I’ve been frustrated with a few things. Frustrated with myself, frustrated with plans, frustrated with people, and frustrated with family.

With myself, Ive been wanting to do so much and I’ve held back for so long. There are so many things Ive done that has kept my walk from getting closer with Christ and it frustrates me that It is my own fault. It frustrates me that I know the answer, and where to find it to resolve this issue, but I can’t focus and train myself to get into God’s word. Something I taught about at Discover!!!

With plans, well, I plan alot. I have ideas that come into existence and I can think on them for hours a day and have everything planned. A date set, a time fixed, and then all of a sudden…the idea drops and instead of having a big impact it gets shoved around and pushed on the back of the pile.

and Family. Family. Family. Family. I can’t begin to describe the situations that have come about in my family. But everytime it never fails that at somepoint it gets to me. Something new arises, and somehow its always about me, or surrounds me. Family. Family Family.

So, Ive vented and its helped. Hopefully everything can work itself out. Hopefully my frustration subsides. Hopefully I can get into God’s word. Hopefully. Hopefully. Hopefully.

:)

Haha….

Every time I think about I still laugh with excitement.

I get to meet the band MercyMe, a contemporary christian music rock band.

Concert is 24 of October in Shreveport……..Hope I haven’t bragged too much, : )

I promise a new hear-felt post soon, Ive just been really busy…I haven’t wanted to give you all anything that isn’t worth your time reading…this post was a vent of excitement…AHHHH!!!!

Unfinished Poem “Hope”

The only thing that spurs hope in this world, is you Lord

I’m captive in my body, held prisoner in my own free country.

There are people in this place, destined to ruin everything

But you Lord give me hope.

Hope to rest

Hope to live

Hope to awake

Hope to move

Lord let this hope spread,

Spread from your scarred hands.

unfinished……

I’m a Loser, How Bout You?

” ‘Cause I’ve been thinking, thinking
I’ve got a plan to lose it all
I’ve got a contract pending on eternity
If I haven’t already given it away
I’ve got a plan to lose it all “- The Loser, Switchfoot

Have you ever heard, it’s always the Losers that win?

I’ve heard it. I’ve heard it a thousand times. But I’ve never put it into a full perspective on what it meant for me and my christian walk.         “I’ve got a contract pending on eternity”

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Phil. 1:21

Have you ever really thought about it? How everyone is playing for keeps? Trying to win the award for the here and now? How everything we do day-in and day-out is planned for us to succeed tomorrow. Even though tomorrow is never gaurenteed????

For us as Christians though…losing is everything. As soon as we decided that Christ is the way for us, we are destined to fail, atleast by the Worlds terms. When we die we gain everything, Heaven. But for those people of the World, dieing is the END.

So I’m proud to say I’m a Loser…I’m to give up all of the comforts from the World, if it means that when I die I gain everything. I become the ultimate winner…..

“Ive got a plan to lose it all….”